Hello there.
Today I took it upon myself to search across the Internet for a resource that catered for people who enjoy smoking. Surprise surprise - no such web-haven for the brethren of tobacco-vampires exists.
Smoking is a complex and hard-to-understand past-time. It's frowned upon mostly by righteous individuals who seem to be overly concerned about the health of other people (and with the advent of propaganda concerning 'second hand smoke', said people harp on about the risk to them. Pshaw.). Smoking is, without a shadow of a doubt, harmful to your health. Smoking is, make no mistake about it, smelly and [if the wind is blowing, or if a smoking individual happens to poot smoke in the wrong direction,] can be antisocial.
But please, fellow human beings, let me explain.
I like smoking. I don't care what you evangelical, sentient robots say - I like it. I enjoy it. I don't expect to live to a hundred - that's too old. I won't be able to get an erection or wipe my own buttcrack by that stage. I do expect, however, to continue living my life in the tradition to which I have become accustomed - with excitement, variety, and above all else, an abundance of experiences and fun times, most of which have involved smoking. If you'd like a list of great smoking moments, I'll be more than happy to give you one - but I don't expect you to understand any of it if you've never been a smoker yourself before. Only those other brothers and sisters in this self-harming, yet life-affirming fraternity would be able to nod and smile in recognition. The enjoyment, the escaping from everything for a few blissful minutes, the sensation alone - all inexplicable. Only through experience can thou understand.
I don't really care what anyone says about smokers. I don't listen to them. Even the cancer victims of smoking - they can harp on all they like about what smoking will do to me. Fact of the matter is, everyone is affected by different things in life in varying degrees. Hell, the guy that made recreational running fashionable keeled over from a heart attack, and he didn't smoke (look it up). So running's bad for you to? Better not run, I had no idea it could be so dangerous. However, I do want to live a little. I do want to experience new sensations, and I bet you all the money in the world that those righteous little windbags that complain about smokers have a serious fun deficit in their lives which could be easily cured by some love-making, cocaine-snorting and cigarette smoking. In whichever order. Humans are animals that consume, and praise be to Mother Nature, She has given us conciousness. This conciousness, in simplistic terms can be tweaked like an FM radio, and tobacco is just one of many substances that can alter the way you feel, if only slightly, depending on how you tune in (and subsequently drop out!). I am a robot too, of sorts - it's just that I am interested in monkeying about with my programming. You're welcome to listen to The Man and do everything He says, but I'm going my own way thank you.
So you're welcome to cry about it 'til the cows come home, but fact of the matter is - if I'm not going to listen to the Government, what makes you so arrogant to think that I'll listen to you?
Before you say that I'll die before you, I doubt it. You'll die a horrible, painful death from a random motorway pile-up which will involve several amputations before I've smoked enough to die from cigarettes. I look forward to seeing your name in the news.
